UU Values: Interdependence

This past Monday afternoon – I was (as my grandmother used to say) feeling poorly.  I just need to rest – I said to myself.  And so I did.  But by 6 pm I started having chills and the house temperature was 72.  Oh my.  I was sick.  Greg later came home from his night class and confirmed I had a fever and gave me some Ibuprofen to bring it down – as I shood him away – afraid that I might infect him with whatever had gotten ahold of me. Of course – though I fully boosted – you know what I was thinking. Is it finally my turn?  Do I have COVID?  Then my mind raced to the previous weekend and all the folks I had been around – perhaps infecting them as well.  I had even hugged my beloved elderly and vulnerable friend Mary Freeman at church in Brunswick on Sunday – and others as well.  And attended a Halloween party with the children.  And at a meeting of our UUFS Committee on Shared Ministry earlier Monday afternoon, a member said she thought I needed I hug before we departed, and I hugged and perhaps infected her as well.  Oh, Gee. 

And it occurred to me the truth that we, indeed, live in a world in which we - and viruses - and more are very interdependent.  And sometimes that’s a good thing – and sometimes – not so much.

Well, I went to the doctor’s office the next day to get tested for the flu and COVID and to drop off a specimen since I had been living with a Urinary tract infection for over a week using just over the counter meds.  Results were that I didn’t have COVID or the FLU but that my UTI had most likely moved into a kidney infection that was causing the chills and fever.  They treated me with a shot in my hip and ordered medication and told me to rest and stay very hydrated – which I’ve done. 

I’m sharing this personal, somewhat embarrassing, story with you today as something that led me to see that we VALUE somethings as UU’s, not because they are good – but because they are REALITY.  Now certainly if you look at these words up here – you could perhaps view all of them through a good lens – and certainly most of us would say that very definitely LOVE is good, if it is thought of in that way that my sometimes friend/ sometimes adversary Paul describes it in Corinthians 13. 

But Interdependence is valued not because it is good.  It is valued because it is REALITY.  It is TRUE.  And not recognizing that Is where problems occur.

In April 16, 1963, Martin Luther King wrote a letter from the Birmingham City Jail addressing white clergymen in the city who had complained that his presence as an “outside agitator” was unwise and untimely.  This was a long letter, addressing many points of concern.  But here is one quote that is especially related to our topic today.  King wrote:

“Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Let me read those last sentences again.  “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.  Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Of course, all of us became more aware of interdependence during the pandemic.  I attempted to read an article published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, in which researchers used all kinds of data and all kinds of statistics in looking at how coordination or sometimes more likely uncoordinated responses to the pandemic affected all of us.  After lots of analysis, charts, and more, here is what they found and recommended.

Our findings indicate that any given government’s decision to lift a social distancing policy will likely affect the behavioral and health outcomes of not only their own citizens but also the citizens of geographically and socially proximate communities. These results suggest there are significant negative welfare repercussions from uncoordinated government social distancing policies, which suffer from a coordination problem resembling the price of anarchy. This implies that it is important for federal governing bodies (e.g., the United States federal government and the European Union) to coordinate policy action, even in cases where final policy decisions are in the hands of local governments. In the absence of coordination by federal governing bodies, we recommend that individual countries, states, and counties coordinate with the countries, states, and counties to which they are the most strongly geographically and socially connected.

 

The old English Poet John Donne wrote:

No man is an island entire of itself.

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

 

If we are to survive, if the earth is to continue to survive as a place we can call home, then we must work in harmony together – not only for humanity – but the rivers and streams, the soil and forests, the lily of the valley and the herbs and fungi that may one day provide medical miracles. 

One person who speaks so well to this need to coordinate and work in coalition with others who want to do just that is the Rev. William Barber, from North Carolina. 

In his book, “The Third Reconstruction,” Rev. Barber recounts that the first Reconstruction after the Civil War saw advances in public education and voting rights and yet would eventually cement segregation into the fabric of our nation and usher in the era of Jim Crow - to the second Reconstruction – the civil rights movement - that integrated public schools and saw passage of the Civil and Voting Rights Acts of 1964 and 1965 - and yet would see the more abstract but just as harmful disintegration to social advances through gutting voting laws and social programs in communities of color that are still felt today. Rev. Barber argues that America is in need of a Third Reconstruction – one founded on moral principles and built through a fusion organizing model – bringing together movements that tackle a variety of social oppressions – interwoven and interdependent - to move forward together.

He was able to build a coalition of what had been very distinct social justice groups – working for justice for women, people of color,  lgbtq+ folks, indigenous people, poor people,  plus environmental groups, folks working for prevention of gun violence, reproductive rights, immigration reform, and many others to show up together on “Moral Mondays” in North Carolina and support one another.  For we are all interdependent.  And we will rise or fall together.  Since then, he has transformed his ministry – picking up from where Dr. King left off – on a poor people’s campaign, for all of these injustices affect poor people the most. 

Some local communities have tried to form coalitions and work together as well.  We are proud to partner with Magnolia Missionary Baptist Church and serve as one of the Rebecca’s Café teams which are made of churches and community organizations all realizing the importance of providing a good meal for folks to assist with food insecurity in this community. 

We have made other efforts as well, and many of us spread ourselves thin in trying to meet the needs of the community.  Sometimes we are spreading thin, because our work is not as efficient as it might be if there were even more coordination across groups. 

I’m very fortunate to be a part of a clergy group in Glynn County – with folks from all faiths – working together, especially on breaking down systems in our organizations and in ourselves which have been based on the bigger systems of white supremacy and patriarchy.  It took the lynching of Ahmaud Arbery – a young man out for a run through a neighborhood adjacent to his own – for us to get to that point. 

We tried to do that kind of thing here as well – coming together as clergy after the Charleston shooting at the Mother Emanual Church – to write a letter signed by clergy and leaders of probably 30 or more communities of faith.  It was based on one that I presented initially which was then edited by a group consisting of me, John Waters - the minister of First Baptist, Francys Johnson – a minister of a black church and civil rights leader, and Doug Clark – who was then the priest at the Catholic Church.  We figured if we could agree, others would sign.  Many did – many did not.  Maybe some that did took some heat from their congregations, I don’t know.  What I do know was that some of our joint efforts after that were not very successful

It doesn’t have to come from churches though.  I’m proud that our Mayor has formed various groups to work with others to tackle some difficult issues.  We have to adapt and be willing to ride in different vehicles with others to accomplish what needs to be done.  But we MUST, we MUST – recognize our interdependence and work together on these issues.

One of the ways we can work together is to try to coordinate how we are going to get out the Vote.  I hope that can happen.  Greg and I voted early this past week.  How many of you have voted.  I am also doing “whatever it takes” to get folks who I think will vote the right way – or perhaps I should say “the left way” to go vote.  Democracy is our vehicle for making a difference.  It’s not perfect.  But the more people that vote, the better off we will be.  That’s why one party is trying to limit voting.  Let’s not let that happen.  We have worked too hard in our lifetimes for many things to throw it all away. 

Well, before I turn this sermon on Interdependence into a political rally, I better find a good way to end it.  And I think this poem by Julie Cadwallader-Staub will do! It’s called Blackbirds.

I am 52 years old, and have spent

truly the better part

of my life out-of-doors

but yesterday I heard a new sound above my head

a rustling, ruffling quietness in the spring air

and when I turned my face upward

I saw a flock of blackbirds

rounding a curve I didn’t know was there

and the sound was simply all those wings

just feathers against air, against gravity

and such a beautiful winning

the whole flock taking a long, wide turn

as if of one body and one mind.

How do they do that?

Oh if we lived only in human society

with its cruelty and fear

its apathy and exhaustion

what a puny existence that would be

but instead we live and move and have our being

here, in this curving and soaring world

so that when, every now and then, mercy and tenderness triumph in our lives

and when, even more rarely, we manage to unite and move together

toward a common good,

we can think to ourselves:

 

ah yes, this is how it’s meant to be.

 

And Kermit would add: "Someday will find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me."

Celebrating Transitions

 

As I began the first draft of my sermon on Celebrating Transitions on Tuesday afternoon, I was also anticipating with some degree of anxiety our called zoom meeting of the board that evening to determine whether we need to transition back to zoom only services.  How dare I write a sermon on Celebrating Transitions when it seems that all we do is transition.  Well, if that’s what life is like – we sure need to learn to celebrate it.  And indeed, I DO celebrate that we have gotten pretty good at our options for worshiping so that we CAN make these decisions and still do church!  I celebrate that we have the proper equipment, the upcoming increased WiFi support, and the technological expertise to do these things, maybe not perfectly – but pretty good for a church our size.  And that ability for us to make these transitions is why we are surviving.  We just need to honor and respond to these challenges in a way that we can survive, thrive, and celebrate!  So yes, I’m going to share a sermon on Celebrating Transitions!!

Now there are some transitions that many of us have no problem celebrating.  These are usually the transitions that we set as goals for ourselves and work to achieve that possibility.  Graduations, Promotions, New Jobs, Weddings, and more.  It’s easy to put on that party hat and blow your horn when you’ve made some achievement.  Of course, some of us may have celebrated on New Year’s Day – because we had simply achieved making it through another year!  In all of these situations, we are proud of ourselves or our loved ones.  And we look FORWARD to what awaits us or them in that transition and beyond. 

Sometimes our various cultures create celebrations around transitions that could be very difficult and through which we all must pass.  I’ll give you just one example – PUBERTY.  Some religions have special celebrations when children “come of age.”  The bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah that our Jewish friends celebrate is an example.  Our congregation isn’t large enough to gather a group of young folks together for the UU “coming of age” classes and the celebration that follows, but perhaps that’s something we can now do with other churches in our cluster via Zoom? 

The most difficult of transitions to celebrate are those that are unexpected or unwanted – or are a result of Not achieving some goal.  Losing a job, the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, the loss of some ability – for example, being able to drive, and more.  And certainly, we should all allow space for the grief experienced with these.  But we also need to be ready to see opportunities for celebrating our ability to move through this and find new challenges and opportunities in the future. 

I asked my Facebook friends what kinds of transitions they were undergoing. 

Several shared job-related transitions – getting a new job or transitioning what they do at their current job – or the most popular, transitioning to retirement.

Several others listed transitions related to family – losing a loved one, moving from marriage to divorce, and four grown folks said they recently became orphans. 

Some shared changes in their family roles – especially finding themselves in the role of caregiver for another.

Some had changes in living situations, moving to a new home or a new community, or living alone for the first time – empty nesters, and others with family members moving in.

A couple of folks were making intentional transitions in how they lived their lives, for example, eating differently, and another said she was “increasing my ‘noticing’ (awareness) of my reactions to specific situations.  Trying to sit in that awareness and pay more attention to my thought/ emotions. “And still another trying to find her voice – transitioning to a place of speaking her truth and reality in hopes of finding better care for herself and others.

Some folks were transitioning from being fully abled to having more challenges physical limitations.

And one long-time friend said she was just trying to avoid “the great transition” until she could see her grandchildren again and check off a few more things on her bucket list. 

All of these present emotions of excitement and anxiety.  Because transitioning means changing.  And change is often hard. 

Those of us who appreciate the insight that Darwin and others have provided us regarding evolution know – that it isn’t necessary the biggest or strongest or even the smartest that survive – it’s the ones who can adapt, who can transition to living in a different environment or with different challenges. 

Adaptation to something new is difficult for most of us.  We get comfortable with things as they are.  And many folks spend a great deal of time and energy trying hard to avoid change.  Unitarian Universalists seem – as a whole – to be better than most and shifting and adapting – at least we proclaim to be.  But sometimes we really struggle as well. 

Psychologists have spent a lot of time studying folks who adapt well, and they describe them as being resilient.  What does it mean to be resilient?  And is it something you are born with or something you develop?  Like most characteristics – it’s some of both.  Let’s be honest, some folks are just born seeming to have the capabilities of being more resilient.  And it’s not that they necessarily try harder than their neighbors.  They just got lucky, just as some are born with rhythm and musical abilities and others must work for many years to be able to do some simple dance steps.  So, we shouldn’t be so quick to pat ourselves on the back if we can adapt and our neighbor has more difficulty.  And likewise, we need to be understanding if we are the one in that role of having the difficulty with transitions.  We are different, with different capabilities.  Fortunately, it’s not a characteristic like eye color – resiliency IS something that we can develop and strengthen in ourselves.  Yes, we can LEARN to cope with life Transitions.

Psychologist Anna Womack provides us with six Tips!

The first is to PREPARE (when you can).  You should have the batteries for the flashlights BEFORE the storms takes out the electricity.  There are SO many things in life that we CAN prepare for --- even if we don’t know exactly when these transitions will occur.  One transition that we all know is coming – for every single one of us – is that great transition that my long-time friend is trying to avoid for a while – and that is death.  And folks, we sure don’t know – for sure – when our time or the time of one of our loved ones will come.  So, if there are things, we need to do first – to make it easier for our loved ones, we need to do it.  This past Thursday, I had the honor of officiating at a graveside service in Statesboro.  This friend was prepared.  She had even written her own obituary.  And she had planned what kind of service she wanted and told them that only Jane Page could do it – and if they couldn’t get me, that she was fine just not to have any minister there.  Of course, I made sure that I could be there.  We’ve questioned ourselves and the experts on whether or not we were prepared for this pandemic.  Actually, they had been preparing for it for years.  And it’s a good thing.  Because even SO, - with that preparation, we’ve been unprepared for much of what has happened.  Do all the preparation you can for those transitions you know are coming.  Study for your exams, exercise your bodies, read for more information, - like a good scout – be prepared.

The second time is to SET REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.  It’s good to be prepared and confident!  But if you go into a difficult transition imagining that it will “be a breeze,” you my find yourself with a lot of frustration and stress when you don’t meet those expectations.  Instead, go into it knowing that you will feel stressed and overwhelmed at times.  That’s normal.

The third tip is Establishing some routines during times of transitions.  Daily walks, going to bed and getting up at regular times (do people really do that?) and having regular times for intention settings can help.  During the pandemic and before, I’ve been trying my best to walk every day.  It’s become a life saver in many ways.  I think I need to add some other possibilities to this routine setting for myself.  Also, be aware that some routines may not be healthy.  Just because it’s a routine – doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. 

The fourth is “Check your self-talk.” – Oh, God.  Not only do I have to deal with my constant self-talk – now this psychologist said I should evaluate that.  Well, she did prescribe using some self-talk to share with myself how I had accomplished getting through previous transitions before.  I guess I can do that.

The fifth is to Set some SMALL GOALS.  I agree with that for when we are overwhelmed – I think it’s a reasonable tip.  But we need to keep our eyes on the big goals as well.  Don’t forget that we are trying to work toward that Beloved Community with peace, liberty and justice for all.

The sixth one is the one that I think can be the most important during challenging transitions.  And that is to STAY CONNECTED.  Even if we must use Zoom folks, find ways to stay connected to folks.  Most of us know how to use a telephone. Call somebody today you need to connect with.  Wish them a happy new year.

And the seventh is priceless! – Practice Self Compassion. Forgive yourself when you fall short.  Our loud if necessary. Say it. “I forgive me.” Give yourself some self-love and be proud that you are dealing with some tough shh—stuff.

Y’all it’s 2022 – and with all the mess many of us have had to deal with – we are still here!  We can still LOVE – even if we can’t HUG everybody.  Everyone of us is pretty dog-on resilient – and that’s worth celebrating.  We know how to adapt, and we are doing it.

Greg and I have been watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. We are up to the 11^th Season now.  In one of the episode’s, we watched this week, there is a shot of Dr. Amelia Shepherd preparing for a difficult surgery.  Her resident, Dr. Stephanie Edwards comes in and sees her standing like this. 

“What are you doing?”  Stephanie asks.

“I’m standing in my superhero pose,” explains Amelia.  Research shows that if you stand in this pose before proceeding, you will be better prepared to meet the challenge.  Come join me.”  And Stephanie strikes the pose. 

So here I am!  Ready to survive, thrive, and celebrate.  Now whether you are sitting or standing – put your shoulders back as far as you can and hold your head and chest up!  

Let us CELEBRATE this new year and KNOW that we are HERE for one another as we Meet every new challenge! 

(Sing) Celebrate good times, come on!

Happy New Year!